The Oates Journal (ISSN: 1098-1446) is a publication of the Wayne E. Oates Institute addressing issues related to spirituality, ethics, and healing from the perspective of pastoral care and counseling.

There are times in life that we are thrown into a relief situation while we are still eating a hotdog. No one warns you. No one says, “Warm up!” You suddenly realize that you are in the “game.”

Last August my gastroenterologist told me that I needed to see a surgeon. There was a lesion in the transverse colon that needed to come out. The biopsy was negative but the position of the lesion and my age raised the specter of problems ahead. I consulted an oncologist friend of mine. “Get this done. What are you waiting on?” Well, my surgeon had a well-deserved vacation planned. I wanted a well-rested surgeon probing the depths of my abdominal cavity. The surgeon’s office called with a date and time. My cardiologist sent a letter of permission to “anesthetize and surgically treat.” Everything was set.

At the Oates Institute the question we have been asking is “How well prepared do I want my spiritual caregivers to be?” We ask this knowing that at various points in life, we and those we love are all going to be patients and family members. It is personal. I found myself changing the question this past month when I became a patient again for a second round of surgery and chemotherapy. “What do I want, need, and expect from my spiritual caregivers?” I made a list.

Systems thinking is an essential tool for leaders, counselors and other spiritual caregivers. Although most people in ministry have a passing acquaintance with systems thinking since the wave of interest in family systems work in churches in the 1980’s and 1990’s, I’m finding that not everyone has a thorough perspective on it. What follows is the way I introduce systems thinking to church leaders.

As a semi- retired pastoral and professional counselor, I maintain a limited practice of counseling and supervision. I try to confine this work to one day a week, but it often exceeds that with schedule adjustments made for various reasons. I also do periodic teaching in various venues and volunteer pastoral work in my home congregation, as well as more physical, recreational, and relaxing activities. I have found that the AAPC regulation that members in retired status can see up to six clients a week without reverting to active status is a sensible and workable one. Six is just about right. I do not accept new clients when I am at that limit.

When I wrote the last column on "The Anxiety of the Next Test," I was not feeling a lot of anxiety, not really. It was enough to be aware of the experience that I share with people in these circumstances. I was expecting to hear that my cancer cells were growing some. I was anticipating that we would be able to continue with our wait and watch approach. It turns out that I had reason to be more anxious. A second round of surgery and chemotherapy is required sooner than later.

Don't you think it rather odd that our language about Ash Wednesday in the Christian church is so penitential? I believe that may explain why many Protestants are so uncomfortable with it. As some might say, “what is all that woe-is-me about anyway?” In my faith tradition, particularly in the one that I serve as a choir member, there are many that do enjoy it. And I do have Catholic friends that truly go all out and embrace Ash Wednesday and the Lenten experience fully.

Grace can seem as elusive as a bead of mercury sliding around the sink. Just what is this thing called grace and how are we to recognize it? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary describes grace as "unmerited divine assistance given humans" (Merriam-Webster, 2012). Unmerited? Perhaps, if we think of needing to earn enough points to receive it. But not if we consider ourselves and others to be created by a loving God. One way to think of grace is as a free gift from God that arrives at the most unexpected times. As pastors and leaders in ministry, if we do not recognize grace when it happens we will miss amazing opportunities to assist others in seeing how God is working in their lives, even in the midst of the most difficult circumstances.

So, here we go. Another 14th of February is here. For me, I’ll be spending my day at work, and my night will be filled with exercise, a meeting, and then, at last, home to relax and perhaps have a glass of wine. I will be by myself, again. And that is O.K.