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The Tapestry of Aging: An Introduction PDF Print E-mail
Written by Patricia J. Pickett, D. Min.   
Wednesday, 02 December 2009 00:00
Aging logoIn an age when the upper end of the Baby Boom Generation begins to reach 65, is there a correlation to the exponential rise in TV ads promoting tummy tucks, botox, and Viagra? The answer is "yes." Many who are aging are also running scared. Contrary to many other places in the world where reaching 60 is revered and honored, in the western world being able to order a senior coffee at McDonald's is embarrassing to many and they plunk down full price instead of the reduced price. Reaching that chronological milestone of 65 is often met by both men and women with a trip to the plastic surgeon to erase wrinkles, the hair dresser (or a bottle of Clairol) to wash away the gray, and enrollment in a gym to retrieve those youthful abs.

The following articles examine the Aging Question. What does it really mean for those of us rapidly becoming "old" by definition? To read something on aging in public, say on the beach or a park bench, a plain brown wrapper covers any hint of our interest. It is reminiscent of our youth when we dared to read racy novels pretending to be excited by the Iliad. Yet the six writers who have examined this question in the following articles throw open the windows allowing the sun to dance on the tapestry they have created. Each weaves wisdom with threads and textures of their own life experience. It is a far cry from the tapestries of aging we see in the galleries of Wall Street, in hospitals and in many churches.

Dr. Jane Marie Thibault confronts the issue head on by including all of us in the “we” of aging. It no longer is someone else who is becoming old. We all are. She recalls a custom from her youth, taught to her by her mother, which brought comfort to her when she faced the little girl trials of growing up. She took this custom, universalized it, and presents it to us as a way of dealing with the trials we may face in this stage of life. Her suggestion, though founded in one tradition of Christianity, becomes a hopeful way of dealing with suffering in a communal way. Shoring up her belief that through Dedicated Suffering, there is a positive flow of energy from and through individuals and community. Quotes from Scripture, Chief Seattle, and quantum physics affirm her theory. Her weaving is a tightly woven tapestry within a tapestry.

Supporting the idea that people generally speak of aging as happening to someone else, Dr. Harriet Mowat, speaks from Scotland and her work there. Her approach deals with the spiritual work she sees as necessary for successful aging, one of which is to face the reality of age and death - the final taboo. She differentiates religious from secular spirituality and has good reasons for doing so, namely, to untangle the confused approach we have toward aging. The definite primary colors of Mowat’s contribution are boldly woven across the tapestry, “Spirituality is specifically about the search for a relationship with God.” Her understanding of a secular spirituality is that it is a contradiction in terms!

What are some of those trials we may face? Some may be small such as having to wear reading glasses, or losing a waistline. While these may sound superficial, Dr. Elizabeth MacKinlay, writing from Australia, deals with the frightening and painful aspect of loneliness. What is it like to experience the loss of friends and family we always expected to be around? What is it like to live alone and be isolated from an active life once led? Are retirement communities the answer? Dr. MacKinlay questions the role of church in the later stages of life. Church is a natural community. But, what of persons who have no interest in religion? Is it possible for the church or faith based communities to offer strategies to combat loneliness and isolation?

Isolation and loneliness are issues for part of the aging population; maybe all persons face these sorrows at one time, or other. It might even be that these issues are present in long term commitments. Some persons have managed to live together in successful marriages for many years. While these marriages may be considered successful, the couples have had to navigate tensions and difficulties within the context of their committed relationship. Dr. Melissa Wood Alemán writes of her interviews with 20 older couples focusing on their long term marriages. Their stories bring to the tapestry a palate of colors enriching our understanding of joy, heartache, tension, growth, humor, romance, adventure and love giving testimony to the words of Kahlil Gibran which Dr. Alemán quotes: “ Love one another, but make not a bond of love/ Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

Dr. Rosalie Hudson, another Australian native, beautifully weaves together that which western civilization has cut into parts. The texture she brings to the discussion is the unity of body, mind and spirit. This unity is important, especially when a person is facing prolonged illness. Dr. Hudson moves away from the medical model because at present it is so individualized and specialized that it cannot recognize unity of the whole. Particularly helpful is her discussion of hope which explodes in glorious yellows and orange. It is not “hoping for the best,” or cockeyed optimism but the kind of hope revealed to Christians through Christ in resurrection. Dr. Hudson concludes with practical suggestions for pastoral care. Her main thrust of the weaver's shuttle has been to take dualism and weave together an older person’s physical needs with his/her spiritual needs.

"Spirituality and Successful Aging: Twelve Rules for the Road," is a fitting place to stop, but not to end.  Concluding this series, Dr. Paul D. Simmons presents a delightful, serious and academic all-at-the-same-time, proposal for living intentionally as one moves into the wisdom years. The way he addresses spirituality and aging puts the tassels on our tapestry.

Should the "road rules" suggest the old Burma Shave signs dotting state highways in the 50s and 60s, there is a slight similarity because the signs themselves do produce a smile as the picture of real road signs with his suggestions pop up on the mind's TV screen.  However, Simmons develops each road sign and the landscape (or tapestry) becomes punctuated with the promise of a profound hope.  Some of the road rules, when fleshed out are delightfully sassy, others poignant and powerful!

This series of articles which weaves a tapestry before our eyes explodes with colors of passion and compassion; "age fiercely," Peggy Fleming is quoted as saying. Colors of experience and insight enhance the texture of tightly woven biblical and theological strands like gentle steel, supporting and giving strength to an emerging design.  There is soft lamb's wool of a healing touch punctuating subtle pastels which lure the reader to a hopeful future, "Growing older can be a positive and enriching experience." All that is left for the tapestry to be complete is for the reader to take up the shuttle and weave his or her response.

Patricia Pickett, D.Min., is the Director of Pastoral Care at Clover Bottom Developmental Center, a state institution for the Differently Able.

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